The F Word

While waiting for our carwash boy to finish with his job, my sister all of a sudden popped a very serious question:

Natatakot ka bang tumanda mag-isa? (Are you afraid of growing old alone?)

Without thinking for a second I replied, Oo naman. Of course.

Probing why she asked, she recounted a recent meeting with a very good friend of hers.

Her friend holds a senior position in a very prominent company. He stays in a condo unit in the Makati area during the week and he goes home to his rest house somewhere in the south during weekends. He pretty much lives on his own, with no other family member or spouse to take care of or care for him. For some time now, he was pondering whether to adopt a kid or not. He was cognizant of the myriad issues that go with such an endeavor but the answer to his dilemma soon arrived to him.

One day, he inadvertently sideswiped a vagabond. After having her minor injuries treated, he took the child home since the kid apparently had no family members to care for her while DSWD was closed due to that particular long weekend. He tried to take care of that girl that best way he could but he soon discovered that he had no fathering instincts. He eventually brought the child to a halfway house for streetchildren where he visits every so often, acting as an ‘uncle’ to the kid.

My sister soon after asked me if I, too, thought about my possible future of living alone and solving that ‘situation’ by having kids. It isn’t the first time I’ve been confronted with this question. And the number of times I’ve thought about it is equivalent to the number of times I’ve decided for or against having kids- only to change my mind the next time I’d see either a tender father-son moment or kids racing down the path to hell.

But what I told my sister is this:

I am too selfish to be a dad. I am too selfish with regard to my time, my money, my future. For starters, the nature of my current occupation involves working odds hours, driving to distant locales at a moment’s notice. My patients are not just an individual or two; rather, I practically take care of communities. The little I earn are *just enough* to makes ends meet. And I’m praying to God that I don’t live beyond sixty. In my life’s map, kids practically don’t have space.

Plus, in the course of the last five years or so, I’ve discovered that I’m not a ‘kid’ person. I’m not the huggy-feely-lift-a-kid-i-just-met-off-the-ground-or-take-him-from-his-mom-so-i-can-cuddle-him kind of person. Having said that, though, I think I make a cool uncle or an older cousin. Not a dad definitely. I think I tend to be overly indulgent which is fatal if applied as a parenting tactic.

The obverse side is my fuse at times can be terribly short. And when kids get too rowdy or go hungry or thirsty all the time, at odd times or they have no concept of personal space or they ask too many questions or they get to be too honest- I’m sure my patience will only get shorter.

I still have commitment issues to resolve within me as well. From mere piano lessons to taking care of aquarium fish to doing daily exercise to staying in med school- each was a challenge that often pushed me to the brink of just giving up on them just like *that*. So having a kid is a no-no- unless kids have a ‘can-be-returned, can-be-exchanged’ tag sewn on them.

Then again I see kids and dads in their Kodak moments- priceless moments of pure joy only a child can bring to his father.

Whenever I would corner a friend of mine who at my/our age already has a kid, my most favorite question to ask is if their kid could really make all their day’s aches and pains go away. They’ve unanimously testified that indeed their kids make EVERYTHING worthwhile. (Wow- maybe them kids would put doctors out of business!)

The little antics they showcase either on cue or when you least expect them. The toothy/toothless grin they flash just when you’re scolding them. The hand-made cards complete with misspelled words and frizzy blue hair that’s supposed to be yours. Glowing comments made by his teachers and the parents of his classmates. Medals you harvest each recognition day ceremony. Wet kisses and lung-squeezing hugs when you get home. Crazy forwarded emails and text messages at odd hours of the day. Willing listener to the (tall) tales of your youth. Ever-ready driver to the mall or church. Giver of sound advice, fashion consultant, ardent fan, pillar of strength, source of love, inspiration for living, prayer partner.

Kids.

*sigh*

At the beginning of writing this, I was SO sure that I’d rather not contribute to the population growth of the planet. Now I’m not so sure…

--==+==--

Thank God my parents chose to have me. And I thank God that my father, in particular, isn’t as fickle as I am. If I will be equivalent to just 1/10th of how good you, Pop, have been to us, God would not have created me in vain…

Many marry in the merry month of May

As the emcee in Tin and Vince’s wedding reception put it- it is a celebration of the years that passed and the years that are to come. The same goes for Jo and Mund’s.

For the tender ceremonies; for the timely reunion with friends; for the warm reception, the great food, and the delightful music; for the genuine glimmer of joy when you guys saw us; for sparking the impromptu introspection among many a single person and yet-to-be-engaged couples; and for making me still hope in finding The One -

thank you for sharing with us your amazing evening.

Salvador – Sison Nuptials
Holy Mass at the Sanctuario De San Antonio 2.30pm
Cocktails and Reception at the Manila Polo Club

Jo and Mund at the altar

Chang and Johann dispensing with their cord duties

Grand send off to the reception

With some rarely seen med school classmates- Edhel, Jim, Gracie, and Hugs

Enjoy cocktails at the Manila Polo Club with Marvin, Eileen, Toyang, Pepper, Chang, JP, and Les

Gloria – Cunanan Nuptials
Holy Mass at the Sanctuario De San Antonio 7pm
Cocktails and Reception at the Mandarin Oriental Makati

An unmistakable beautiful blur in the crowd

Tin and Vince at the altar

Dapper First Reading reader (thanks for taking my photo, Capits!)

Lighting their Unity Candle

Preparing for the first kiss

Welcomed by guests at the reception

With UP-PGH Internship blockmates- Lester, Kate, Julie and Lizza

Our next-table neighbor: Tin and Vince’s!

With the very lovely couple

Reunion of the Waterboy with some members of the class basketball team

Be still my heart: My Two Favorite Girls – Pam and Tin

--==+==--

To Dr. Mund Sison and Dr. Jo Salvador-Sison and Dr. Vince Cunanan and Dr. Tin Gloria-Cunanan – bon voyage et bon appetit! Godspeed!

(Major, major, major thanks to Tina DLC for letting me use her SD card! Life-saver!)

Valentine's 2K7

Like what I always maintained, it, too, passed. Valentine’s Day that is.

Sometime among the intervening hours between my last entry and V-Day itself, I’ve come to realize that it was mighty stupid to let this highly-“consumerized” day get the better of me. As Yosemite Sam declared at the end of a long and arduous duel with Bugs Bunny- if you can’t beat them, join them.

To say that my Valentine’s Day 2K6 was wonderful is an understatement. Of course this year was a far cry from the Valentine’s Day we had in 2005, when we were on ER duty at the PGH when some casualties from the Makati City bombing came in to be taken care of. If ever you’ve caught yourself cursing the day you were born simply because of the difficult time you’ve had in removing lice from your child or niece’s head- you cannot begin to imagine how it is to remove tiny shards of glass from the head and face of a bomb blast victim. Too much pressure and you embed the shard further into their scalp and skin. If you try to fast track things by making them shake their heads like a dog and you’ll find yourself the new challenge of glass particles coming into the eyes, the nose, etc.

So how did I join the happy Valentine fracas? First, I woke up early thereby allowing me to reach UP calm, safely and not the least bit harried. I chose to wear pink, just to get into the mood of the day. While I drove over a previously hit cat along Pres. Osmena highway approximately in front of AMA-Makati, the morning drive was uneventful, so much so that I even arrived 10 minutes before my scheduled small group discussion with my students.

Speaking of students, the night prior to the 14th, a student texted me-

Sir, May I ask a favor? Can we move our 8am small group discussion to 8.30? I want to bring flowers to my girlfriend in Vito Cruz.

I had a hearty, wistful laugh upon reading that message. There were times in the not so distant past when I would have requested the same from my teacher. It made my day, for some reason. Feeling a bit un-Scrooge-like, I replied-

Go ahead, Romeo. See you at 8.30.

So at 8.30am three of the four students I was supposed to meet were already there, including our very own Romeo. The fourth student arrived not long after- with two long stem roses for his female groupmates. Nice hehe The discussions progressed, they did their homework but much improvement needs to be done. Overall, though, I’d say they contributed to that V-Day being a good one.

After a quick lunch, I headed to our Gawad Kalinga site in BASECO, Tondo. We were requested to be there at 1pm because apparently a Singaporean donor was donating something. I wasn’t really in the mood since I still had to take care of some of my backlogs which my boss will surely remind me of when he sees me there. But I went anyway, regardless of the possible berating I’d receive (and deserve anyways!).

What I thought was a simple photo-op turned out to be a major production number. The president of the Republic of Singapore was the guest of honor for the symbolic turnover of P1,000,000.00 for our nutrition program in BASECO. The donation came from Singaporean children enrolled in La Salle Brothers-ran schools in the citystate. All the diplomatic trappings aside, I was able to talk to a volunteer doctor who can work with me in my GK site in Quezon City. She’s willing to give up a clinic day just to serve our residents in Brookside, for free. She’s more excited than I was: she’s already planning the lectures she wants to give. BASECO may have gotten a million but I got my own GK site a doctor with a golden heart.

At three pm, I rushed to meet my students again, this time in the Pasay City barangay they were assigned to work with for their community medicine rotation. They were in the middle of facilitating a mini team-building activity for residents involved in the nutrition program.
I must say the students did really well, having mobilized a good number of barangay folk to join the activity at a timeslot typically spent by the latter watching Wowowee.
At the end of it all, the residents had a fun time with the students, hopefully with a clearer appreciation and understanding for teamwork which is especially needed in their fledgling nutrition program.

After the session with the students in the barangay, I rushed home to change for a Valentine’s dinner with some very good med school friends. We met in The Fort and had a blast- true to our common slogan for the day: Alone but not lonely =) I reached my parents in time to greet them as their work day began in the States, just like me seeing the first greeting of the day coming from my sister.

So went a not-so-typical Valentine’s for me. I was able to spend a part of it, no matter how fleeting, with those who do matter. Like what the character of Anthony Hopkins wished for all his guests at the party tendered for him in the last 10 minutes or so of Meet Joe Black- I wish for all of you a life as lucky as mine.

--==+==--

Two quotable quotes from Valentine’s 2K7:

It’s better to be alone but not lonely kesa maging not alone but still lonely. - Ants Cordero, MD

Hindi tayo tao, hindi tayo hayop- BAGAY tayo =) - Inquirer LIBRE

Valentine's Day- February 14, 7007

In this day and age when relationships last no longer than a snowball fed to the microwave oven set on high, and thousands of couples kissing simultaneously for ten seconds is the most romantic some people will ever get to be, archaeologists in Italy have discovered what is being touted as the world’s most enduring image of love.

Reuters recently took us to the excavation site where two skeletons were found lying side by side, arms intertwined, as if locked in an eternal embrace. In a planet majority of whose denizens are agog in Valentine’s Day frenzy, this seemed a fitting announcement, a grander Valentine gift that a Monet or multi-carat diamond ring, eliciting a chorus of wistful sighs.

Some argue though that the remains’ posture can also be interpreted as two beings out to kill each other; without a doubt, they seem to have succeeded. Some prescribe caution when making a Romeo-and-Juliet-esque reference to the archaelogical find, pending the determination of the sex of either departed Stone Age earthling. Still others suggest the possibility that this was a parent-child or sibling-sibling burial site.

Funny how these scientific musings somehow mirror the state of love affairs nowadays.

That there are relationships which do last.

And, apparently, they run in my family.


From their formative-slash-bf/gf-years to their current state of marital bliss, my sister and brother (in law) have been together for close seven years while my parents have been officially “on” since October 1967 or for almost 40 years.
My grandparents are the real deal though- having celebrated their- gasp!- 66th wedding anniversary last November 22nd.

These three pairs- the loves of my own life- are commendable, admirable, and rarities. But they still have a long way to go before they reach the record of Liu Yang-wan from Taiwan who was married to Liu Yung-yang from 1917- until the former’s demise in 2003- for a grand total of 86 years. Just the same, they make me believe that forever is not at all impossible.

That relationships that are seemingly perfect at first glance are not exempt from internal turbulence and strife

Show me an impeccably peaceful, conflict-free relationship and I’d show you a couple that will wither and succumb faster than you can say I do. From skirmishes and upheavals we learn much about the other and our own selves- our convictions, our stance with regard to issues, the non-negotiables and the lambing-ables in our life. We become skilled at useful everyday survival tactics from dodging fights to enduring silent treatments, from making compromises to sticking to promises. We learn to temper honesty with respect while coating everything with love. We grow, we thrive, we flourish.

That relationships nowadays take on hues and configurations that break the mold

The hands clasping each other come from two separate individuals who have the same kind of chromosome pair 23s. Regardless of how we feel about them, they are here. With us, around us, close to us. We cannot deny their existence. They are human. They love. Let us let them be.

That true love, in its truest form is not exclusively felt by those in romantic relationships

Love among parents and their children. Love among siblings. Love among friends (virtual and real). At the end of the day, of practically each day of our lives, they bring about that inner warmth that vanquishes fear and gloom to the point that being-alone-but-not-lonely is a happy reality I gladly embrace realizing how much love surrounds me from my family and friends.

If in five thousand years we’d still be hugging each other as tightly as the ones in that Italian archaeological site, I can’t wait for day one of those five millennia to begin- wrinkles, beer bellies, arthritis and all.

--==+==--

Those in my immediate circle would attest to the fact that I’ve developed a distaste for Feb the 14th and I was hell-bent on spreading the fact that love is evol. That was what I set out to do when I began to write this entry. Now I’m still not a fan. But I know I have enough reason to dress up a little smarter than usual tomorrow…

Fearbruary rollercoaster

If you can endure the ranting, there is a silver lining to this gray cloud I’m clutching. Read on if you must-

--==+==--

As is wont to happen, I am waaaaaaaay behind in doing all things related to the real world (read: my jobs). I had a ton of backlogs from before I left. And now… they’re devouring me alive. And I’m stunned immobile. Read: procrastinating still.

I fear that I might get fired…

--==+==--

In a few days’ time, it will be a month already since we arrived from the States and I haven’t posted much about it. I was reserving my travel entries for a new blog I’ve started (I belong to the variety which F so lovingly called serial bloggers) but with all the work that’s still left undone… Hayayay

I fear that I will forget my experiences in the U.S. before I get to write about them…

--==+==--

I chanced upon in Yahoo! News a summary of Middle East bloggers who dared write about the goings on in their corner of the world and suffered because of it. Because of one blog’s rather catchy name, I gravitated towards it, just to have a look-see. The latest entry of A. featured an account of a blogger named M. who was sued for libel by the government because he attacked a minister on his online journal. At the end of his own journal, A. asked for opinions on how they can/shall balance freedom to write versus saving their mortal souls- their rights and responsibilities and the legalities of blogging. I chanced upon an online resource for such concerns and submitted a comment to A’s blog which included that link. But when the time came for me to enter an identity as a commenter, I didn’t write my name right away. I usually do affix my blogger identity but this time I hesitated…

...For fear that my pro-freedom of speech stance will backfire and I, too, shall suffer a similar fate as those of other bloggers in their area. I know I'm a bit too conceited to think that I'm a threat to the stability of a Middle Eastern kingdom to that point that I'd be targeted by hitmen by way of my blog and IP address. Then again- who knows? Maybe it’s just an influence of having recently seen The Constant Gardener on tv. But the fear was quite real… Enough to shut up the usually outspoken in me, to hide my blog in shameful self-censorship.

--==+==--

I won't even dive into what is due to be celebrated on Wednesday... For fear of... Nevermind.

--==+==--

One verse practically carried me through med school,

From Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet none of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So DO NOT BE AFRAID. You are worth more than sparrows.

Lord, just please let fear fly away from me… And draw me nearer to You.