Fearbruary rollercoaster

If you can endure the ranting, there is a silver lining to this gray cloud I’m clutching. Read on if you must-

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As is wont to happen, I am waaaaaaaay behind in doing all things related to the real world (read: my jobs). I had a ton of backlogs from before I left. And now… they’re devouring me alive. And I’m stunned immobile. Read: procrastinating still.

I fear that I might get fired…

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In a few days’ time, it will be a month already since we arrived from the States and I haven’t posted much about it. I was reserving my travel entries for a new blog I’ve started (I belong to the variety which F so lovingly called serial bloggers) but with all the work that’s still left undone… Hayayay

I fear that I will forget my experiences in the U.S. before I get to write about them…

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I chanced upon in Yahoo! News a summary of Middle East bloggers who dared write about the goings on in their corner of the world and suffered because of it. Because of one blog’s rather catchy name, I gravitated towards it, just to have a look-see. The latest entry of A. featured an account of a blogger named M. who was sued for libel by the government because he attacked a minister on his online journal. At the end of his own journal, A. asked for opinions on how they can/shall balance freedom to write versus saving their mortal souls- their rights and responsibilities and the legalities of blogging. I chanced upon an online resource for such concerns and submitted a comment to A’s blog which included that link. But when the time came for me to enter an identity as a commenter, I didn’t write my name right away. I usually do affix my blogger identity but this time I hesitated…

...For fear that my pro-freedom of speech stance will backfire and I, too, shall suffer a similar fate as those of other bloggers in their area. I know I'm a bit too conceited to think that I'm a threat to the stability of a Middle Eastern kingdom to that point that I'd be targeted by hitmen by way of my blog and IP address. Then again- who knows? Maybe it’s just an influence of having recently seen The Constant Gardener on tv. But the fear was quite real… Enough to shut up the usually outspoken in me, to hide my blog in shameful self-censorship.

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I won't even dive into what is due to be celebrated on Wednesday... For fear of... Nevermind.

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One verse practically carried me through med school,

From Matthew 10:29-31

Are not two sparrows sold for a small coin? Yet none of them falls to the ground without your Father’s knowledge. Even all the hairs of your head are counted. So DO NOT BE AFRAID. You are worth more than sparrows.

Lord, just please let fear fly away from me… And draw me nearer to You.